When coffee doesn't cut it...

How easy is it to blow your money on food without actually winding up with something to eat? Pretty easy, actually. If that didn't turn you off this post, then you're probably a yuppie, and all yuppies prefer their coffee in as little coffee form as possible. For me, that's the caramel macchiato at that haven for yuppies: Starbucks.

"But, Sean," you say, "I hate spending three and half bucks on milk (six bucks with the necessary coffee cake to accompany)." Well, a nonfat caramel macchiato is only 190 calories, and normal coffee cake thrown in rounds out to 490 calories for the morning. That's not bad for super-charging my morning. Besides, what else am I going to do? Go to Heine Bros. Coffee? Yeah right! But if you prefer to pay an extra dime or two to support local businesses in an effort to make Louisville not such a samey place (or some yuppie cause like that), then go for it.



That's not why we're here.

We're here to MAKE caramel macchiatos! Yay!

First, you need to grab yourself an espresso machine and a coffee grinder. Next, you'll need the following:

• Espresso Beans from your local grocery store


• Non-fat milk


• Vanilla Syrup


• Caramel Topping (I use the non-sugar type)


• Tap water (bottle water is for yuppies)


• 2 cups and however many mugs you're making

If it's Monday morning, stop now. You're not going to get this right the first time, and it's probably going to piss you off if you just spent over 100 bucks and screwed up your first coffee treat right before work. On a weekend, do yourself a favor and wake up a little later, and try this. You'll find out quickly whether you like messing with drinks or if you want to just blow six bucks every morning that isn't going well.

Ready? Here's the steps,

1) Grind the coffee. Normally this takes over 15 seconds, but check how long your grinder specifies for coffee beans. The coffee must be extremely fine.

2) Stuff your coffee down into your filter and pack it tight.

3) Line the bottom of your mug with vanilla syrup

4) Fill up your espresso machine with water (normally on back)

5) Turn on your espresso machine and pump 2 shots worth of coffee into your mug (That sounds bad for a blog called S & M)

6) Fill one of your cups with about 8 oz (1 cup) of milk and nuke it for about a minute and a half (warmer than lukewarm, but not burning your finger)

7) Fill one of your cups just under halfway with milk and use your steamer on it.

8) By the time you finish steaming, the nuking will be done. You should've filled the cup by now.

9) Throw in heated milk, toss on the foam, sprinkle on the caramel

10) FINALLY, enjoy!


Yeah, with practice you can get two cups done in 30 mins, including prep time, make time, and some cleanup time after the drink.

Takes a while? Yeah.

Costs a bit? I'd argue if you drop Starbucks for this it will eventually be cheaper.

Worth it? Oh yeah!

What's best? After you get over this first hump, then you're ready to experiment even more. There's pumpkin spice to be had, lattes to be made, and the world to save. Especially if you're a dumb yuppie.